Horse Shopping: Falling for the Snapshot, Missing the Story

Horse Shopping has started to feel eerily similar to swiping through a dating app.

You know the drill. A few flattering photos. Some carefully chosen stats. A catchy one-liner meant to make this one stand out from the rest. Sixteen hands. Seven years old. Sound. Safe. Husband horse. Fancy mover. Schoolmaster. No vices.

But it's just bay, so swipe right.

Horse shopping is, without question, much more fun than online dating though!

There are pretty horses to breeze over instead of dimly lit selfies. There’s potential instead of bad algorithms. Still, the underlying problem is the same: we are trying to make meaningful decisions based on painfully incomplete information. We’re seeing a carefully curated snapshot and pretending it’s a whole story.

A sales ad tells us what a horse is on paper. Age. Breed. Size. Discipline. A highlight reel of talents and maybe a few quirks spun into something charming. But how often are we actually seeing the horse?

Do we ever wonder about their life story so far?

Do we see what they’ve learned? And, more importantly, how they learn? The moments that shaped how they respond to pressure, uncertainty, or change? Do we see the effort it took for them to understand something new, or how they learned to rebuild trust after some confusion? Do we see the challenges they’ve faced quietly and adapted to?

Or do we just see the résumé?

While there's not great data on this, the Equus Foundation predicts that the average horse gets relocated to 7 different homes or owners in their lifetime. Having to completely start over that many times would be devastating to most of us!

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I'm fortunate to have uncovered the basic history of both my mares. Although I'll never know the intricate details of their experiences, I do have an understanding of where they were and what their lives generally entailed.

Jade's Ad: Hanoverian mare | Bay with star | 15.1 hh | 6 yrs old

Jade's story: She came from a seasoned dam, designed by a well-known Hanoverian breeder in Kentucky. After weaning (5-6 months old) she was sold, along with another weanling, to a dressage program and shipped off to Montana to grow up. (I actually hunted down one image of Jade & her young pasture mate there) When she turned 5 years old, she was shipped back across the country to Wellington, FL where she was meant to start her training - but apparently the owner decided to close down her program. All the horses went up for sale immediately. Ironically, Jade was scooped up by a trainer who brought her back to Kentucky, where she was started under-saddle and listed as an upcoming sale horse. She was the easiest horse to start - accepted the tack and rider like it was nothing. She loved attention and affection. I just so happened to be shopping for my next riding horse and fell in love with her personality right away, so I grabbed her up. The rest is (our) history; a story still in the making.

Sage's Ad: Mustang mare | Bay | 14.1 hh | 5 yrs old

Sage's story: As a mustang, she obviously had a completely different start! Sage was born in a vast area called 'Antelope Valley Herd Management Area (HMA)' in Nevada. Her home was somewhere within 500,000 acres of the Great Basin. It's likely that her herd never knew humans existed until she was rounded up by helicopter at 2.5 years old. There, her family's natal band would have been separated by gender first, then grouped for sorting and care. She was put into a metal chute to be freeze branded, given an ID, and vaccinated. Her government records show that she was moved (hopefully with some familiar herd members) to the Ewing Facility in Illinois for a few months, then to an adoption event in South Carolina where she was adopted by an acquaintance of mine. (Luckily, because of our connection, I was able to learn the story of that pivotal year!) There, as a 3.5 year old, she started learning about domestication: how to be haltered, handled, lead, and saddled. She also learned the basics of driving! Once she was titled by the BLM, Sage moved on to a new home as a driving pony - which is where I came across her later. It was quite unexpected how our paths crossed, but it was definitely fate. I brought her home as a 5 year old, still un-started under saddle and we began our journey - which is just beginning to unfold.

At first glance, when comparing these two stories, you might think that Jade had the better start in life. But, in reality, I've come to see that Sage actually has a much more solid foundation than Jade.

Sage grew up in a family unit the way horses are meant to, learned how to problem-solve and regulate herself. At nearly 3 years old, Sage was almost ready to venture out on her own and find a fella. Sure, her life took an unexpected turn, but she started learning new things at the right stage in her development.

In contrast, Jade was weaned young and only had one uneducated roommate for the first 5 years of her life. They had no access to adult horses to soothe them or other herd members to show them how to function. While she was loved and cared for, she was never pushed to learn anything new until she was almost 6 years old. I didn't mind that for her physically, but socially and mentally she struggles to learn.

Jade finds it difficult to focus, gets overwhelmed by small distractions, and takes longer to regulate after getting excited (whether in play or fear). While Sage initially had more to learn and demands a LOT more step-by-step explanation than Jade, she is able to cope better.

The stories matter.

(side note)

I am smitten with both of my girls and I love what they continue to teach me, so don't assume this assessment has changed how I value them! Learning how to understand their behavior has unlocked so many doors in my life!

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As an avid learner of equine behavior, I can’t meet a horse without my brain lighting up like a switchboard. Every horse invites endless questions. Where did you come from? Who handled you and how? What made sense to you early on? What scared you? What relaxes you? What patterns do you default to when things feel unfamiliar?

Sure, I can make quick assessments. We all do. I can read posture, expression, movement, tension, signs of curiosity or withdrawal. I can take in what I’m seeing in that exact moment and make an educated guess about what might be happening. But that moment is just one thin slice of time.

Every horse I’ve ever met is an onion. Layers of unknown experiences stacked on top of each other, shaping how they interpret our world.

There’s the past: memorized sensory experiences their nervous system filed away for survival. There’s the present: how they are behaving in their body right now.

Horses live in the moment, but that moment is informed by everything that came before it. Their responses aren’t random. They’re contextual. Adaptive. Logical, even when they don’t look that way to us.

So how much of that are we seeing when we read a sales ad?

Probably not much. And we can't!

And that’s why horse sales are impossibly tricky.

How is it even possible to see the full picture right away? Just like dating, we only ever see the ideal potential in the beginning - the reality always comes later. What’s often missing from the sales conversation is context. Experience. Process.

Even the most transparent seller can't portray ALL that understanding for a buyer.

Instead of asking only what can this horse do?, what if we asked: What has this horse lived through? How well do they learn? What still requires patience?

Like horses, we are an ever-changing accumulation of experience too. Our nervous systems are shaped by what we’ve lived through. Processed memories quietly tell our bodies how to react. What feels safe. What feels risky. What feels familiar. What we want or need.

We bring all of this to the table too: our stories colliding with theirs.

But here’s the good news, if we choose to acknowledge it:

in the right environment, living beings are capable of change.

Horses are not static products. People aren't either.

Given time, clarity, safety, and thoughtful support, patterns can soften. Responses can evolve. Skills can be learned. Trust can be earned.

When we buy, sell, work with, or partner with a horse we’re not engaging with a fixed object. We’re stepping into a relationship with a being in motion.

So maybe the better question isn’t whether the ad told the whole story. Maybe the question is whether we’re willing to slow down enough to listen to the living, breathing story evolving in front of us.

Because seeing the horse requires more than a list of stats. It requires curiosity instead of certainty. Patience instead of projection of our goals and expectations.

And the humility to admit that no matter how good the description is, the real relationship only begins once the understanding does.

The rest of the story is always still being written.