Flipping the Script: Comparing Domestic horses to Foster kids

My little band

This year, I’ve found myself diving headfirst into the study of equine ethology, behavior, and learning theory. I’ve dabbled in these concepts before — but this year, I’m approaching it with much more intention. And honestly? It’s been a game-changer for everything I do with my horses. The dots are connecting in my mind in a way they never quite did before.

Usually, when I study horse behavior, it’s with the goal of helping us humans — our “human herds” — find better ways to relate, communicate, and build functioning teams. But lately I’ve been turning that idea on its head. What if we flip it around? What if we look at human behavior — our flaws, our patterns, our societal issues — to better understand what’s going on with our domestic horses?

Because if we want to truly understand our horses — the ones we train and ride — we have to get really honest about how we’ve massively disrupted their natural way of life.

What Ethology Actually Studies

Equine ethology is the study of horse behavior in their natural, undisturbed environment. And here’s the kicker: it’s actually incredibly hard to study feral or wild horses without messing with their behavior. Horses are so sensitive to their surroundings that just having a human observer nearby can change how they act.

I was watching a webinar recently with Dr. Samantha Couper (an excellent equine behaviorist & researcher), and she said something that totally clicked for me. Her theory is that for a long time, scientists assumed stallions were dominant leaders of their herds because of what we saw when we tried to observe them. The stallion would position himself between his band and whatever he perceived as a threat — which included curious scientists with binoculars. He’d push the band away from the danger, making it look like he was bossing everyone around.

In reality? That wasn’t dominance in action. That was protection. That was a stallion doing his job, which is to keep the herd safe.

And as a society, we believed in the idea of horses needing a dominant leader. It shaped how horses were trained for a very long time.

Once researchers dug deeper, they began to uncover the true social structure of wild horse herds — and it looked nothing like the dominance-based model we were taught. Instead of rigid hierarchies led by an “alpha” horse, what they found were fluid, cooperative relationships shaped by communication, trust, and mutual responsibility.

This discovery has started to ripple through the horse world, and it’s changing the way we think about training. We now know that effective leadership in a herd doesn’t come from force.

What Horse Herds Really Look Like

In a natural band of horses, things are a lot more layered than the “alpha stallion” myth.

Here’s the general gist:

• Foals stay with their mothers for about 3 +/- years. Sure, they’re weaned (in the wild) around 8 or 9 months old, usually because the next foal is on the way. But they don’t just get booted out at weaning — they stay in the safety and guidance of the family band.

• Fillies usually leave the band as they approach maturity to go join or form other bands where they’ll become mothers themselves. They become very career-focused right away.

• Colts take longer to mature. When they finally leave, they form bachelor bands where they learn the ropes of being an adult horse. They play, they test boundaries, they practice the skills they’ll need to eventually earn the right to start their own families.

• Stallions protect and play. Their job is less about “leading” and more about keeping danger at bay, helping the young ones burn off steam, and making sure the group stays safe.

• Mares nurture and discipline. They’re the glue that holds the social structure together — teaching the young ones how to horse and keeping order in daily life.

It’s a rich and dynamic social system that meets developmental and emotional needs at every stage. Their entire lifestyle revolves around social interaction, movement, and foraging all day.

Now, Look at What We Do

When we think about how we manage domestic horses… it's vastly different.

We routinely wean foals at four, five, or six months old — sometimes even earlier. We separate them from their mothers and often from any familiar herd members. We put them in stalls or isolated paddocks, far from the dynamic, supportive social structure they’d have in nature. We might pair them with one buddy or a full group of (uneducated) peers if they’re lucky.

Imagine it this way: domestic horses are like a bunch of foster kids who lost their families at a young age and then grew up in group homes. Some of them adapt — they learn the rules, figure out how to navigate the system, and become pretty functional adults. But others? They end up with all sorts of underlying stress, social issues, or maladaptive behaviors that follow them for life.

And it’s not because they’re “bad” or “difficult” horses. It’s because the foundation they needed was taken away from them.

Stereotypic Behaviors Aren’t a Mystery

When we see horses weaving, cribbing, pacing, or displaying aggression, we’re quick to label those behaviors as “problematic.” And, to be fair, these are all very unnatural behaviors for horses! Studies are finding that a majority of competition horses suffer from gastric ulcers — it's clear our "best management" practices aren't doing them any favors. When we think about their disrupted upbringing and lifestyle, is it really so surprising?

These behaviors are often just symptoms of unmet needs:

• The need for social connection and purpose

• The need for constant movement, foraging, and play

• The need for group safety and predictability

When those needs aren’t met in a meaningful, consistent way, horses — just like humans — find ways to cope. And sometimes those coping mechanisms look pretty weird or annoying to us.

What We Can Learn From Our Own Mistakes

This is where flipping the script helps.

If we look at human children raised in unstable environments — those who experience early trauma, inconsistent caregiving, or social isolation — we see many of the same patterns. Some become resilient, sure. But others struggle with anxiety, difficulty forming relationships, or acting out.

It’s no different for our horses.

We created domestic horse culture, and in doing so, we stripped away so many of the social supports and physical needs horses evolved to depend on. And then we act surprised when they don’t “behave” the way we want them to or when we discover their health is declining.

Before we can truly understand our domestic horses, we have to recognize how dramatically their lifestyles differ from those of feral or wild horses. Without that awareness, it’s kind of like trying to understand human behavior by only studying people in prison — living in tight spaces, under constant control, and cut off from their natural social lives. It wouldn’t give us the full picture of our society, right? Same goes for our horses. Studying horses solely in domestic, managed settings can give us a distorted view of what they actually need to thrive.

So Where Do We Go From Here?

The good news is, we can do better. More and more people in the horse world are doing better. Here are just a few shifts that can make a huge difference:

• Delayed weaning (ideally) or at least more gradual weaning practices. In the wild, foals stay close to their mothers for years, even after weaning. Early, abrupt weaning can create anxiety and social challenges. A slower, more natural transition helps young horses build confidence and resilience.

• Dynamic group living, when possible, so horses can connect, play, and form bonds. Horses are wired to live in herds — isolation deprives them of that need. Group living supports emotional health, teaches boundaries, and helps them develop natural social skills.

• Environments that allow for movement, foraging, and exploration, because many “problem” behaviors are really horses coping with boredom or frustration. Movement and curiosity are essential for their well-being.

• Training through connection and understanding of inherent behaviors, not dominance. Good training starts with curiosity. Ask yourself: Why is my horse behaving this way?  When we work with their natural instincts instead of trying to control them, we can build trust and cooperation.

And maybe most importantly, we can start looking at our horses not as beings we need to control, but as social animals who need the same kinds of security, connection, and enrichment that we all do. Then we can build towards cooperation in what we ask of them.

More and more, we’re seeing a shift toward relationship-based approaches in the industry that prioritize connection over control, and curiosity over correction.

Understanding how herds really work hasn’t just deepened our empathy — it’s reshaping the entire foundation of how we partner with our horses.

The Bigger Picture

What I’ve come to realize in this deeper study of equine ethology is that understanding our horses means understanding how we’ve interrupted their natural social patterns — and taking responsibility for that.

I realize that I've used some strong analogies here — I'm NOT suggesting we should set all of our horses free (that's a ridiculous extreme, so don't misunderstand my message). My point is that we can do better to understand what domestication means for them. Our human understanding of what animals need and want is often flawed. If we want our horses to thrive, we need to aim to restore what we’ve taken away from their social needs.

When we meet our horses’ needs for connection, movement, curiosity, and safety, we don’t just end up with “better-behaved” animals. We can then build true partnerships.