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Belonging: Lessons from Godiva the donkey



Godiva & Jade: two peas in a pod
Godiva & Jade: two peas in a pod

My first horse was a black Morgan mare named Meadows Indigo, or Indy for short. She was the ultimate horse: bossy, confident, and rock-solid reliable. For 12 years, she basically raised me as an equestrian. When Indy retired, I bought a small farm so I could bring her home and started looking for another horse to keep her company and give me another horse to ride. That’s when Jade entered the picture. As Indy got older, reality hit me: she wouldn’t be around forever, and I’d need another companion for Jade when the time came. That’s when the idea of getting a donkey popped into my head.


Now, I know donkeys aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, but I’ve always loved them. I’d spent time caring for donkeys at various farms and found them to be such deeply intuitive creatures. So, I decided to start looking.


When I reached out to the Peaceful Valley Donkey Rescue, the staff told me they usually adopt donkeys out in pairs since they tend to form strong, lifelong bonds. But I only had room for one, so I asked them to keep me in mind in case a single donkey needed a home. A few days later, they called me about a little jenny named Godiva. She’d been with them for over two years and hadn’t bonded with any of the other donkeys. She was described as shy, grumpy, and hard to catch—basically a bit of a loner. But I’m not one to shy away from a challenge. With experience working with donkeys and semi-feral horses, I told them to send her my way.


Godiva made the solo trip from Virginia to Kentucky. When I opened the trailer door, there she was: exhausted and completely shut down. I’d anticipated this, so I’d set up a quiet space where she could recover and see the horses from a safe distance. Initially, I turned her out in a round pen, just in case she lived up to her reputation of being hard to catch. Right away, she seemed genuinely interested in being with the mares. Trusting my girls to be gentle, I decided to introduce them sooner than planned.


I couldn't have planned this better. In less than a day, Godiva and Jade became inseparable. Whether they were grazing or strolling, they stuck together like glue. Jade was utterly smitten, and Godiva seemed perfectly content. It was clear: Godiva preferred horses over other donkeys. The funny part? Their personalities couldn’t be more different. Jade is dramatic, highly social, and full of big, expressive emotions, while Godiva is… well, let’s just say she’s low-key and reserved. But somehow, their connection just works. They belong together.


This whole experience got me thinking about the concept of “belonging.” So often, we think belonging means fitting in—blending into a group. But true belonging isn’t about sameness. It’s about authenticity. It’s about finding people (or animals!) who share your core values, even if everything else about you is different. Unfortunately, our tendency to see what we want to see can cloud our ability to truly understand others. If only humans were as straightforward as our equine friends!


We might think we know where we belong, but it’s only when we embrace our true selves that we realize why we never fit in before. Belonging feels like finding the missing piece of a puzzle; suddenly, the bigger picture makes sense. It’s about being seen and accepted for exactly who you are. And once you find that place, you know it’s where you were always meant to be.


For over a decade, I was part of a herd I desperately wanted to belong to. On the surface, I had good memories, solid friendships, and I even thrived in some ways. I convinced myself this was my tribe. But deep down, I felt stuck. I dismissed my doubts, chalking them up to normal differences. I even thought I could change people to align more with my values. But in the process, I started hiding parts of myself. I even went as far to adopt their values while abandoning my own. The harder I tried to make it work, the more disconnected I felt. Eventually, a personal betrayal shattered my illusion, leaving me pretty emotionally damaged. It forced me to confront the truth: I didn’t belong, and I’d lost myself trying to make it stick.


Here’s what I learned:

  1. There’s nothing lonelier than being surrounded by people you can’t truly connect with. Connection comes from shared values, not surface-level similarities or interests.

  2. You can’t have balanced relationships until you’re balanced yourself. It’s common to be drawn to people who mirror our own unresolved issues. Stay true to yourself, and you’ll naturally attract the right people.

  3. Don’t compromise on values or standards. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Trying to change someone to meet your needs is a losing battle.


The right herd won’t ask you to hide who you are. You’ll be accepted and appreciated for all your quirks and beliefs. Disagreements will lead to open discussions, not conflicts. You’ll feel free to have fun, take risks, and even fail without fear of judgment. And most importantly, you’ll never doubt whether they care about you.


If you constantly feel like you’re walking on eggshells, worried about what others think, or being attacked for being yourself, it might be time to find a new herd. I’m not saying it’s easy to walk away or start fresh. And let’s face it—we’re human, so even the right people will hurt us sometimes. But if you’re doing your best to be authentic and still feel out of place, don’t ignore that feeling. Listen to it. I wish I had listened sooner.


My stubbornness kept me clinging to a herd that was all wrong for me. If I’d had the wisdom of little Godiva, I might have saved myself a lot of pain. Common sense says a donkey should prefer to be with other donkeys, but Godiva knew better. Her place was with the horses. Once shy and grumpy, she’s now a sweet, sassy part of her herd. She grooms the horses, bonds with each one, and once a month, she’ll kick off a playful gallop around the field, demanding everyone join in her antics with the loudest brays! Her transformation is proof of what belonging in the right herd can do.


When horses (or donkeys) aren’t thriving, we start by evaluating their environment. Are we using the right training methods? Do they have the right nutrients? Are they in the right discipline? We don’t blame the horse for struggling; we look at their surroundings.


Why don’t we do the same for ourselves? When we’re struggling, it’s easy to blame ourselves. But what if we examined our environment instead? Are we in a herd that truly supports us? Do we feel safe being our authentic selves? Can we make mistakes, pursue our passions, and express our emotions freely? If not, maybe it’s time to find a new herd.


Believe me, it’s not easy—but it’s absolutely worth it.


I’m slowly rebuilding my own community, and if any of this resonates with you, you’re welcome to join me.


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